How Invisible Labour Squashes Women’s Sexuality
Last week, Tamara and I were talking about some of the most common issues we see with women’s sexuality, as we often find ourselves doing.
One theme kept coming up again and again, the impact of invisible labour.
What Is Invisible Labour?
Invisible labour is unpaid work that is not usually acknowledged or valued. It is an ongoing checklist of things that needs to be done, that is never-ending. Not only is it the tasks that need to be done, it is the thinking about then, the planning of them, the delegating and the follow up.
Who Does It Affect?
We know that all women and mothers have a disproportionate burden. This is not just task management and planning, it is also emotional labour. Taking care of the emotions of the people close to you, or even anyone you interact with where you feel you have to smooth things over emotionally.
What Are the Symptoms?
So, what happens? We are exhausted. When women are asked about when they have the most difficulty connecting to their sexual selves, a common thread is when they felt overburdened or anxious. Feeling as though you had no time for yourself and are constantly on the move seeing to other’s needs, leaves little space for women to feel sexual, let alone well rested. We are disconnected from ourselves, our needs and our sexuality.
Making space for yourself is the first step in reclaiming your sexuality.
This is where we often start with women when working on reconnecting to their sexuality and desire. There is no way we are going to ask them to put more on their plates by adding on homework around sexuality that feels like one more thing on the infinite to do list.
Finding a way to lower a woman’s level of stress through reducing commitments or obligations is valuable. Pushing back at gendered expectations around who is good at what and who should do what is imperative. (Of course I was going to bring up the patriarchy!) This means using feminist theory to challenge the perception that all these tasks could only be done by a wife, mother or woman and to look outside of expected gender role expectations for solutions.
It is obviously more complex than this and different for every woman. But there is excellent research that shows us clearly that this is a common experience. You are not alone.
Support is available to help you navigate your way back to yourself!
Contact us if you would like to explore this.